Ike Saves Christmas Poem on BFHP- Pretty COOL!

Hammer will forgive us for hacking it.

SUBJECT: # 55603: The 2006 BFHP Christmas Poem

Submitted by Hammer521 (69.244.166.247) from MICHIGAN on 12/25/2006 10:24:00 PM

The 2006 BFHP Christmas Poem

‘Twas the night before Christmas and on the North Pole
The sleigh was all packed, reindeer ready to role
The presents were loaded all safe and sound
But Jolly St. Nick was nowhere to be found!

The elves checked the workshop, but he wasn’t there
They couldn’t find Santa, they looked everywhere
Let’s go up to the house and ask Mrs. Claus
The elf with big ears said as they paused

They trudged through the snow, up the porch on the double
Mrs. Claus let them in and they knew there was trouble
The gifts are all wrapped and we’re ready to fly
Hey Mrs. C., where is the Big Guy?

It’s not looking good boys, Santa’s not well
A touch of E-Coli from last night’s Taco Bell.
I know you’ve worked hard, I hate to ruin the plan
But we won’t have Christmas if I can’t get him out of the can!

To the bathroom they ran to see for themselves
Mrs. Claus ran behind the six little elves
Pinch it off Boss, it’s time to get started
Santa just groaned and grunted and farted

Think of Funky and Tbone and Gooty and Paul
Remember Tater and Wannabe on your lap at the mall?
My head is on fire and my stomach’s all a twitter
Damn Nacho Bell Grande, I can’t leave the chitter!

Mrs. Claus looked at the elves with their pointy little ears
I can’t believe I’m doing this she mumbled through her tears
Put a call into Woody, he can spread the alert
CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED. SANTA’S GOT THE SQUIRTS.

The elves were dejected, they didn’t know what to think
One said, no pun intended, but this really stinks!
They’ve already lost BASS Saturday, they can’t be disappointed again
If we cancel Christmas, they’ll blame ESPN

We can’t cancel Christmas, we’ve never done it before
They heard a muffled voice say through the bathroom door
Binkwood and Punk have really been rotten
But the rest of the Home Pagers can’t be forgotten
Maybe we won’t cancel Christmas after all
Slide your phone under the door and I’ll make a call

Meanwhile, Back at The Board…

Not a creature was stirring, they were out like a light
Spinny and Popi went to bed without a fight
Arby and Redeye, Danco and 3Gs
Had all settled down to catch some ZZZs

The boys were all nestled snug in their beds
While visions of Diva danced in their heads
They’d all been tucked in for a long winter’s rest
Not knowing of Santa’s intestinal distress

Through my window the moonlight was streaming
When I was awakened by some God awful screaming
I jumped to the window and what did I spy?
A twenty foot BassCat whizzing through the sky

He did a one eighty, came by for another pass
I thought to myself, who is this dumb ass?
This time he came closer, who is this guy
With all the tattoos and fists pumping the sky?

What was Santa thinking? Where was his head?
Who had he sent to act in his stead?
He could have called Brown, DHL or FedEX
But no, he sent Ike just to piss off the Rednecks!

He landed the Puma out in the yard
With twenty inch spinners it didn’t hit hard
Ole Rick thought ahead and Ike proofed the craft
He made him a light pole from a Minn Kota shaft

Santa called and he’s feeling pretty crappy
So I’m here with the goods to make all the kids happy
He unloaded the Cat as fast as could be
And stashed all the presents under the tree

As he fired up the Yammy to finish up for the night
Ike screamed NEVER GIVE UP! as he flew out of sight
This year, as we’re fighting and fussing with those who have dissed us
Let’s remember the story of How Ike Saved Christmas

Merry Christmas 2006

Hammer

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